Summertime Blues

So the summer holidays are almost over and the boys start the final year of Junior school on Tuesday. Amazing to think they start secondary school next year. It doesn't seem that long ago since I was at Southborough Boys; I have never been an advocate of 'the best days of your life' mantra, but it is was a memorable seven years and I hope it will be the same for them.


I am struggling a bit at the moment with the groundhog day existence. The daily routine is almost identical everyday with the only variation being who I email to chase something I need to sort out. I have never been good at being unoccupied, that's not to say I never indulged in time wasting activities. I was always my most efficient and productive at work when I was under pressure dealing with ten things at a time, but once the pressure was off I found it easy to succumb to the temptation of web browsing or some other activity which wasn't strictly related to the task of generating new business. Fortunately I generally used to snap out of it quickly because I knew that the longer it lasted, the harder it would be. The problem now is that this self perpetuating scenario is very difficult to escape. Writing this blog is about the only productive thing I do and even this is very sporadic.

I think the other problem is that as a coping strategy I have to make myself numb to caring about things. By switching off the desire to eat nice food or have a beer,  it makes it that much easier. The frustration of not being able to join in with conversations is eased by avoiding getting absorbed by the discussion in the first place. When the boys are fighting I try and ignore it because if I don't,  the inability to intervene physically or verbally with any spontaneity just creates immense anger and frustration. So I have to block out thinking about or at least caring about 95 percent of my life pre 2008. I know this sounds a bit melodramatic but it is how I cope. The problem however is trying to maintain enthusiasm for the remaining 5 percent of my life which is still possible. It is difficult to keep this attitude of detachment selective.