This week I have been on a respite break at the hospice. But unlike previous breaks, I have my live-in carer, Kadvi staying too. I first visited the hospice in 2008 shortly after my diagnosis of a terminal illness. Despite all the positive press about hospices being wonderful places, this counts for very little when it's YOU that has qualified to use one. Ultimately hospices deal with end of life.
If you read my previous blogs during hospice stays, you'll know that I feel out of place here, it's not for me. And this time I feel positively fraudulent!! This is because the longer I keep beating the survival odds, the more convinced that I will be around for a good few more years yet. I guess I feel I have now disqualified for hospice eligibility.
If this is true, I guess it's good although it will make any subsequent re-qualification difficult to accept. I just find the whole environment rather patronising. The way everyone talks to you, medication confiscated so you have to request it, having to have hospice staff oversee every hoisting routine. I find it difficult because despite MND I have refused to relinquish control of anything. I know kadvi finds it difficult too. Don't get me wrong, the staff are all lovely and the hospice and gardens are wonderful. It's just not for me..... Yet.
However we have actually spent little time at the hospice. On Wednesday we went to Hampton Court Flower Show, yesterday we went to Painshill Park and the local pub in the evening, and as I write, I am sitting at Newlands Corner viewing the Surrey countryside.
It's been 3 years since I visited the flower show but having the live-in carer, events like these are possible again. It's a bit of a struggle getting the wheelchair through the crowds and much of show requires going off the path onto bumpy grass, but it was a nice day.
Painshill park's paths have improved since my last visit, 2 years ago, so getting around was easier than expected. I might even buy membership next time
The decision to meet Adam in the pub was a spur of the moment thing. I don't think I have been to a pub for over 3 years, probably mainly because of previous bed time limitations as much as the unappealing prospect of watching everybody else eating and drinking. But actually it was very enjoyable. My sister and Kadvi joined us until 9.30 then Kadvi returned with my car at 10.30. I think I will do it more often.
So ironically, despite my earlier comments and with Kadvi's considerable help, this has been the easiest hospice stay. But I think I will look seriously at coastal, disabled accessible and equipped holiday accommodation. Obviously it won't be free like the hospice but it would give me a base to go out from to new places. If I find a good place, I might even do it more regularly . Next weekend we are going to see 10CC (showing my age), going to Farnborough Air Show, and seeing Monty Python at the o2 arena. Phew.