it seems since Christmas that everything has got harder. I don't think that the progression has accelerated, more of a " straw " and " camel's back " situation. It is is difficult adjusting to any change but some have greater implications than others.
I think initially I go through a mourning period during which time I get depressed about losing the ability to do another task without assistance, but after a week or so you've worked out a new routine to accommodate the change. However the recent progression has taken me perilously close to not being able to do some significant things. As a result not only am I feeling gloomy about the loss of these abilities, but getting even more depressed by the stress involved with working out how to cope with the changes. And with one of the issues being my almost entirely failed speech ( a massive issue in its own right ) trying to communicate any thoughts about these changes is very difficult and it turns into a vicious cycle which can be truly overwhelming and I just feel very isolated trying to deal with it by myself in my head.
Apart from my speech, my stability is so poor that transferring is a pretty scary experience with a real risk of falling. This also makes the prospect of doing a transfer really stressful. The answer is to use a hoist but apart from the psychological barrier I have to overcome, which I have, it introduces other issues such as the need to have 2 carers present. I know its all do-able but its just the relentless addition of extra equipment, extra hassle, extra time and decreased independence, that sometimes is too much to bear.
The final new problem is that I discovered today, having finally been able to get out on my outdoor wheelchair, that my arms have weakened to the point where I can barely lift them on to the armrest to operate the joystick. I know it will possibly be only a few more weeks until it will be impossible; what do I do then. The arm weakness has also claimed my ability to feed myself. I've been struggling for the last 2 months but its just too difficult. So I've rented a device which will feed me. I used it reasonably successfully yesterday but tonight the pasta ended up all over the floor.
Ok, this is turning into a bit of a whinge so I'm going to stop. I'm just finding the inability to find solutions to the never ending hurdles too much at the moment.