Apathy

July wasn't the most prolific blog writing month was it. I think several factors contributed including apathy, tiredness and some prolonged computer use including a 15 hour stint over 3 days removing a virus off the boys' computer. This involved controlling 3 computers, 2 of them remotely, endless website searches, running time consuming scans with many utilities, editing registeries and doing countless reboots. Immensely frustrating but satisfying to crack and avoiding a complete reload.


But mainly the lack of entries is the result of apathy and lack of inspiration; even this entry was only started to explain my absence due to this lack of enthusiasm, maybe by the end it will have

progressed to something more positive. This frame of mind has become more prevalent since the cruise. I spending hours just sitting in the garden or sitting in my bedroom looking at the garden. The few opportunities I get to go out I often decline because travelling in the car is so uncomfortable. I don't even bother going into the lounge to watch TV because of the effort required to drive the wheelchair there. Also, until recently my eyegaze computer had a tendency to freeze when using its remote control function, leaving me completely stranded. I think I have got that sorted but I still keep wheelchair maneuvering to a minimum.

It has been almost 30 degrees for the last couple of days and it is completely wiping me out. Anything above 24 or 25 degrees saps the remaining drop of strength, makes breathing harder and is generally very uncomfortable.

I have made the effort to get out a couple of times. I went to the boys' sports day last week. Luke and Daniel did the sack race and Jake did the sprint. So less than a minute of participation for a 2 hour round trip. I know I should say now that it was worth the effort but more and more I can't convince myself that it is. During the sports day outing the computer mount slipped, resulting in the Computer pointing down towards the ground. I knew exactly what had moved but had no way of explaining to Tracy. One of the disadvantages of having carers is that when they aren't there, other people don't know how to do things. Tracy did her best to readjust it but the locking handle became too loose and the weight of the computer made the whole mount collapse. Although we managed to get it to a position where I could use it, I knew it would need resetting completely. So I spent the next hour planning how to explain to the carer how to do it; not easy when you have to explain words like slide or tighten.

We did manage an evening out with the boys to Sandown horse racing and Scissor Sisters concert. We had done a similar evening with Razorlight last year and apart from the wheelchair platform being completely useless at 18 inches high, it was a good evening. This time having been assured that following my complaint, future platforms will be higher, I could actually see the gig. The weather forecast had predicted an occasional shower so I decided to go without my eyegaze; a daunting prospect having communication severed for 5 hours. It was a good decision though as it drizzled all evening and it would have been very stressful worrying about the computer all evening and trying to keep it covered! We failed to back any winners but the concert was good.

We are off to Dorset for a week soon and have got the usual worries. It is the same place as last year but things have obviously changed since then, they have changed since the cruise 6 weeks ago.

So I am not a recluse yet but I am finding it increasingly difficult to muster the enthusiasm and courage to leave the easy, albeit boring environment of the house.