The Boys' 10th Birthday, another perspective

The boys' 10th birthday seemed more significant than previous ones. It obviously marked a decade of their lives but it also is a significant milestone for us. Exactly 10 years earlier we had been standing and lying down respectively in St Georges hospital about to undergo an incredible life change. We had no real idea what was ahead of us; it truly was quite a daunting prospect. It would have been an emotional time for anyone, the happiness of their safe arrival and the fear of coping with triplets mixed with the immense sadness for me of my dad passing only a few weeks earlier. I am sure that Tracy shared some of the sadness because she had lost her dad only a couple of years earlier, but knowing that my dad had missed seeing them by so short a time was difficult to accept.

My dad had me and my sister relatively late in life at the age of 49 (when I arrived) and I am know that whilst I wasn't particularly desperate for children at the age of 34, I knew that I wanted to be a younger dad than mine had been. I remember when I was growing up that I was very aware how much older my dad was compared to all of my friends' fathers; being almost 60 when I was 10. The virtues of having an older dad, such as wisdom, experience and financial stability were probably not appreciated by me. I was more aware of him not being able to participate as physically. My dad was a lovely man and an excellent father. He had almost limitless patience and was completely selfless but I knew that I wanted to be more physically involved with my children and be around to see them grow up. I never thought, 10 years ago that I would end up doing neither. And ironically I probably won't get to the same age as my dad when he became a father.

A more positive angle to this is that I DID make it to their 10th birthday; an event I had hoped but suspected I wouldn't see following my diagnosis in 2007. I remember sharing that ambition with many people who had experience of MND and them being very non-commital with an encouraging response. Of course having made it, it seems small consolation.

In 2008 I made a video for the boys while I could still talk and while I could still hold a pen I bought and wrote birthday cards for future years. I had actually forgotten about the cards until three turned up last week. I guess I hadn't necessarily expected to see them being opened.

So, many things were going on in my head on their birthday. The final thought that I had, I wasn't expecting. Their gran had bought the boys suits for them to wear on the formal dinner nights on the cruise in May. The boys tried them on and they all looked gorgeous. But I also just couldn't help thinking 'Now I know what my sons will look like at my funeral'. I hated thinking like that but that's MND for you!